If I Let You Go
by theThingSeyaLeftBehind
Summary: Kanata's confiding his feelings with me since i was the Thing that Seya Left Behind...hehehe curious? read to find out


_**Kanata: wanna heard my story?**_

_**theThingSeyaLeftBehind: O.o**_

_**Kanata: huh...?**_

_**theThingSeyaLeftBehind: -.-**_

_**Kanata: whatever...let's just go on with it okay 'sigh'**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Daa! Daa! Daa! or any of its characters... and i don't intend to do so...

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If I let you go

**Chapter 1: Dilemma of Letting Go...**

Sometimes I wish that I have the power to control time, for me to be able to go back in time and change the decision that I made four years ago. It was a decision which I knew that I will regret for the rest of my life. _Letting her go._

It was a week after _our_ baby Ruu and Wanya left the temple and flew back to the planet Otto. Miyu received a call from her mother telling her to pack up her things and follow them at America right away. Of course, Miyu was shocked by the sudden revelation. She didn't know what to do, as a matter of fact; she didn't even tell me that she was leaving, not until the day of her departure.

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As I sat at the porch at the back of the Saionji Temple memories of that day – the day that I let her go – keep flooding on my thoughts. It was like traveling back in time though the only thing is that, you cannot change what had already happened back then.

It was a usual Sunday morning – sun is shining, white clouds, blue skies, birds chirping (well you get the idea) – and as to be expected I was the one who get up early. I know that Miyu was tired because of the household chores I made her to do the other day(since I already did mine the day before) so I didn't disturbed her from her peaceful sleep and instead I made my way to the kitchen to prepare the both of as a rewarding and delicious breakfast. But when I enter the kitchen, I can't believe what I saw; breakfast _has already been_ prepared and has been nicely served in the kitchen table. _So I was wrong… she got up ahead of me… very much unexpected of her._

I looked around, searching for Miyu, but find no sign of her. I decided to look for her at her room, but still no sign of her, I looked at the living room, the bathroom, the temple's main hall, but there still no sign of Miyu. I'm starting to get worried now, _where could she be this early in the morning!_ Then I remember, there is still one place that I haven't looked… the porch at the back, it is where we used to sit and let our ideas to wander every night. Without second thought I made my way to our favorite porch.

So I was right! I found her there, sitting on the same part of porch where she used to sit every night when we were having our little conversations. I stared at her for a moment, enjoying the sight of her beautiful face, long blonde hair, fair skin complexion and petite figure. _Damn she's beautiful!_ Realizing that I'm standing there for the past two minutes, I return to my senses and slowly walked up to her, never removing my eyes off of her.

"Miyu" I started. She didn't looked up at me or even move her head a little, she just sat there, staring at the beautiful scenery. I don't know what she's thinking right now, all I know is that whatever it is that she's thinking I'll make sure that she knows that I'm always here for her.

I sat beside her and once again I called out her name. This time, she turns her face in my direction, making her emerald orbs to meet mine. She didn't blush or anything, she just stared at me looking troubled and at the same time _lonely_.

"Miyu… what's wrong? 'Something bothering you?" I asked. A smile is all I got for an answer. I know that something's wrong here. She's not the cheerful, clumsy and careless Miyu that I used to know, the Miyu that I'm with right now seemed to be troubled, weary as well as lonely. I never saw this side Miyu before (well I did saw this side of Miyu before but I can tell that it's more complicated this time) so I'm eager to know what's going on inside Miyu's head right now.

"Miyu, you know that what ever it is that's bothering you, you can always count on me… right!" I said giving her a reassuring smile before I turns my face away from Miyu's.

" Kanata…?" She started, looking at the same direction that I'm looking.

"Hmm…!" I answered, looking at her from the corner of my eye.

"Gomen…"

"For what?" I inquired.

"For everything… I know that I've been such a pain in the head to you since I came here"

"What are you saying! You're not a pain in the head!" I assured her, giving her once again an assuring smile and a heavy pat on the head. I expect that she will laugh on what I did and argue with me on that matter but I was surprised that she didn't do anything… once again very much unexpected of Miyu. But what surprised me more is what happened next; _river of tears flowed out of her emerald eyes._

"M-M-Miyu are you alright? I'm just kidding you know" I panicked at sight of those tears. I'm afraid that it is I that caused them to flow.

"KANATA!" Miyu said, turning her body at my direction and flinging her arms around my neck and hugging me so tight that I almost choke. Of course, I was surprised by her sudden action I didn't expect that she would do that (I mean, you know how shy she was).

I wrapped my arms around her making her comfortable, and then I stroke her hair feeling the silkiness of its strands.

"Hey… what's wrong!"

"I'm **_LEAVING…"_**she answered between her sobs.

Suddenly my world began to fall. All the light inside of me has been eaten by darkness. Why does it have to happen? Now that I'm finally sure of my feelings for her, now that I'm ready to tell her what I really feel about her and now that I can't leave without her anymore.

Unconsciously, my tears began to fall and my hug began to tighten much more. I don't want her to leave, I can't see myself living in this world without her, I better die than to live without her (I know that I became a bit emotional and exaggerated but that's what I really feel right now).

"B-but I want you to stay… please stay with me" I whispered to her ear.

"I '_sob'_ want _sob_ too! But… but I can't… I just can't '_sob'_"

"Then WHY!" I demanded "tell me why! '_sob'_"

Knowing Miyu, she wouldn't tell the real reason when she knows that it can hurt someone or if it can worry other people. She really doesn't like the idea of worrying other people because of her so instead of telling it she would just keep quiet about it. _She's that Damn kind_. But this day seems to be full of surprises - she tells me the real reason why she had to go, even though she knows that it'll make me worry about her even more. But come to think of it, it made me happy in a way that I know that she trusts me that much that she'll be able to tell me even her personal problems.

"My father got fired…" she started, though in a very low voice almost a hush. This time I don't give any reaction or reply, I just let her to continue and reassure her that I'm listening to every word she's saying.

"They blame him '_sob'_ for something '_sob'_ I know my dad _sob_ could not do '_sob'_ and I know he will '_sob'_ never do"

I stop myself from inquiring any farther because I know I'm not in the authority to do so, so instead I just nodded and tell her to go on.

"Then when mom '_sob'_ found out '_sob'_ what happened to dad '_sob'_ she resigned '_sob'_ from her job." "Now she told me that they wanted _'sob'_ to start a new life '_sob'_ in the States '_sob'_ so I have to… '_sob'_" her sobbing is getting louder and louder and I know that it's hard for her to say those words, so I finished her sentence for her.

"So you have to… leave" I said as I fight more tears that's been flowing from my eyes.

She nodded. "I can't turn their request this time… they needed me Kanata… more than ever"

'_But I needed you too… more than ever' _is what I want to tell her but instead I told her not to worry because "I understand"

She tightens her hug even more thanking me all the way. Her sobs lighten now.

"It's okay… I'll be fine… It's okay…" are the only words I could say for the moment.

Then when I gather up the courage that's left in me, I finally asked her. "So…when is your flight?"

"5:00 this afternoon…" she said much to herself.

'_**BAKA** Miyu! Why did you told me just now!'_ I want to shout at her, get angry at her, but instead I just keep those thoughts to myself and I just keep hugging her, knowing that that is the first and the last time I will able to do that.

"It's hard for me to tell you that I was leaving" Miyu said as though she read my mind.

I can tell from her voice that she really is having a hard time telling me the whole story specially the part that she told me that she have to leave.

I can also sense that she really don't want to leave, though I know she have to and I have no right, whatsoever, to stop her. Her family needs her more than ever, especially now that they're on such crisis.

My mind is in a dilemma right now. Two forces in my head are battling at this very moment. One force, telling me that I shouldn't let her go 'coz I also need her and I can't live without her and the other telling me that I should let her go… for her family's sake.

Then finally, the battle's over. I finally made my decision…

"'_sigh_'…I'll let you go… but" I started still fighting the tears to flow that are starting to fill my eyes once again.

"huh…?" Miyu freed me from her hug and look at me with so much sadness and confusion in her eyes. I cannot stand seeing Miyu like this, I can stand seeing her crying because of my occasional mocks at her but not now, so I turn my head once again on the scenery of the temple's backyard, looking away from her emeralds.

"You have to promise me that you'll come back…even if it's not for me… just come back okay"

"You'll be waiting!" She asked a slight smile is starting to form from her rosy lips.

I nodded. "Yup… I will"

She hugged me once again, enveloping me with his warmth and smell, things that I wouldn't going to experience for a very long time. Then I heard her whisper to my ears **"I Promise"** I gave her a sweet and satisfying smile and return her hug at the same time.

She had to leave Saionji temple at 11:00 since it is a requirement to be checked in three hours before the original flight time. I didn't accompany her to the airport since I know I wouldn't be able to take the sight of her leaving me. After she left I locked myself on her bedroom reminiscing every moment we had – the good times, the bad, our ups and downs, and everything – I know I cannot be complete without her, but somehow I know that someday finally I will be complete once again and by that time I'm going to tell her how I really feel about her since I wasn't able to tell her because I know that it isn't the right time…it just isn't….

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**_Kanata: So what d'you think?_**

**_theThingSeyaLeftBehind: TT_**

**_Kanata: really...? I thought so..._**

**_theThingSeyaLeftBehind: O.O_**

**_Kanata: So see you next chapter..._**

**_(A/N: sorry for some grammar errors...or even typographical errors...my mistake i know...Gome nasai once again and Arigato for reading)_**


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